Mixed feelings

So Gary and I have come to the conclusion that we probably don't need a seven-bedroom house anymore, go figure.  Since Bridget has returned home she has begun making plans to get an apartment with a friend or two and move out sometime in the next six months or so and I can't say I blame her.  I'm not going to go into the "wailing momma" mode because I understand where she's coming from.  I remember getting my first apartment with my best friend and it was a HOOT.  (Remember that, Karen?)  Some of my favorite memories to this day are of living there, so I would never begrudge that experience for Bridget.  But that'll mean that there are only the two of us rattling around in this big house, and it's ridiculous enough being THREE rattling around here.

Doesn't it just figure that once I got my bathroom remodeled I would end up moving away?

I have already begun looking at the rooms with the eyes of someone who is saying goodbye.  I look at each room and I don't see what's there now, I see what was there ten or fifteen years ago.  I see little girls playing in knee-deep piles of stuff.  I see a little dog laying on the top bunk of a doll's bed.  I see a basement with three boys, in various stages of voice-changing.  I see a room with a chinchilla named Chong, who was the softest pet ever.  (He didn't much love coming out of his cage but once he was out, he snuggled really well.)  I can also see Michael's room, which was more like a maze, really.

I look at my living room now and it's tidy but when I look through my "time vision" goggles I see gangly teenaged boys draped over all of the furniture and I literally have to count legs and divide by two to figure out how many are there and how much milk we'll need for cereal.  (The heads are all obscured by the blankets, but somehow the feet are never covered up.)   I look at the house across the street and remember neighbors long since moved away, who used to be able to tell when we were home and when we weren't because the dog slept on the kitchen table when we were away.

My family room has a nice little pot-bellied gas stove.  When that thing is turned on that room is toasty and warm and cozy.  On a snowy day there's nothing better and I remember when the girls would come home from school, cold and wet and tired.  They'd snuggle under an afghan on the couch with something or other on the TV and they'd always fall asleep for a little while.  (Getting up early for seminary meant always being sleepy enough for an afternoon nap.)  That's what I see when I look at my family room.

I look at my kitchen, at my pantry, and remember keeping it stocked up with extra goodies because I knew that I would be feeding not just my own kids but that their friends felt enough at home here that they would open the pantry door to see if there was something interesting to eat, to "tide them over" till dinner was ready. And most of the time there were extra plates on the table at dinner time.  As more and more of the kids have grown up and moved out I've found that I've cooked less often but somehow I haven't managed the art of cooking less QUANTITY, so when I cook there's always enough to feed an army. (Or to feed whomever is here for the rest of the week.)  Gary is amused about that.

I look at my coat rack, for pete's sake.  I have a sun hat hanging there and next to it is the hat Aidan wore whenever we went outside to "give the flowers a drink of water."  (Aidan usually got as wet as the flowers.)  They haven't lived here for a long time but I can't bring myself to put his hat away.

So how do you leave these memories behind?  Gary says, "Change is always hard for you."  Ya THINK??  Maybe it's because change has always meant pain.  Change always means losing something I love.  But how stupid is it to live in a house with seven bedrooms, six of which are not even being used?  We shouldn't be making a house payment like this when we could sell it and buy something perfectly acceptable, maybe three bedrooms so we would still have room for out of town family to stay. We've actually even seen a few places, one of which I liked very much and could see myself living in.  And then I come home and look at my house again and wonder how I'll live through giving it all up.

Change sucks.

:)

SHE'S HOME!

My heart is breaking for her...

I knew it would happen.  I knew that she would love "her" kids and that being with them would enrich her.  But with love comes the vulnerability that opens us up to pain and now that Bridget is due to come home, she has had to say goodbye to her students and it hurts.  Part of me is miserable because I can't relieve her pain.  But I know that there's nothing I can do.  And would I change anything if I could?  The only way to prevent the pain of loss is to never love anyone or anything.  That's no way to live.

God bless you, Bridget.  May you get over the pain of separation soon and be left with the sweet memories of your beautiful, sweet students who love you and will always remember the young woman who gave them her heart.

Odds and Ends

So Bridget asked me if I was excited about her coming home and YES I AM!  But part of me is a little nervous about it too, which I hated to admit, but there it is.  I'm nervous that she won't like it here anymore because it isn't China.  Maybe if I wash her hair and give her a scalp massage for $2?  Seriously, though, I know she's had a wonderful time and I'm so happy about that.  But I don't know how we can measure up.  Oh well, I suppose it's not my job to "measure up" to a wonderful experience like that.

The job is going great, I am having a very good time.  I really like having Mondays off because it means I no longer dread Sundays.  Used to be Sundays would be horrible because not only did I not do anything like shop or clean house or whatever, the next day the work week started up again and that was the end of the long-awaited weekend.  Shoot, not long enough to get anything done.  Now that I have Monday off, I can get things done on Saturday, spend Sunday going to Church and enjoying family, and then finish getting my house tidy and get extra projects done on Monday.  By the time I go back to work, the weekend is not that far away.  Sweet.  And the people I work with and for are really wonderful.

Today I got a retirement packet from United.  There really wasn't much to it, only health insurance information, which of course is very expensive. (Almost double what it was when I was an actual employee.)  It's the only information I have received about retirement so far, which is kind of surprising.  I thought I would get a packet from my old boss, this is actually from WHQ.  I was sad when I read through the information.  Sure feels "final." I don't know that I'm really all that ready for final.  United was part of my life for so long, still feels like it should be part of my life.

Tomorrow Gary and I are driving to Utah for a spur-of-the-moment trip to help out with a sewing project.  (That's why we're driving, so I can get my sewing machine over there.)  I'll be helping out with Carolyn's project (making a quiet book for the kids for Christmas) and I'll come home Tuesday.  Gary wants to be back home for Sunday though because the Choir needs him if they're going to be ready for the Christmas program.  He'll drive back Saturday.  Since I don't want to try to haul my sewing machine on the plane maybe David and Sarah can bring it back to Colorado with them when they come for Christmas (please?) so I will have it back in its little cabinet.

I think I have become a little bit of a clean freak.  I am in love with my Dyson vacuum and my floor steamer.  I blame Carolyn, who introduced me to Dyson.  And steam cleaners.  And Gary gets a kick out of how much I can go on and on about my wonderful vacuum once I start talking about it.  (At least, that is how I choose to interpret his eye-rolling.)

Since Bridget has been gone we have eaten at Taco Bell WAY WAY too much.  That may or may not continue.

I think that's about all I have had on my mind lately.

Except to say that I really love my grandkids.  :)

Update

Just a quick note, I am surviving with Bridget in China.  I knew I would but I also knew it wouldn't be easy.  I haven't yet gone downstairs to torture myself by cleaning her room.  :)

The job is going very well.  I love having Mondays off and I have two really great bosses, so I'm very lucky.  Also, next month Gary and I are going to go to Florida and stay in our new condo for the first time.  Neato torpedo!

One bad thing, Gary is going out of town on Monday for the whole WEEK.  Looks like it'll be just the dog and me.  I see several taco bell outings coming up.  (Audrey, I hope you want to visit?)

Oh, and am I the last person on the planet to discover NCIS?  Good show, and Mark Harmon is easy on the eyes.

We have a new couch, we got it at Ikea.  It's called the Manstad, and it makes into a bed.  It replaced the futon in the front room (which is now being stored for Bridget, and yes Bridget, you get to have the little throw pillows, too, they just jumped out of my arms onto the family room couches when I was on my way downstairs.)  I also got some pretty new pillows for it, so it looks really nice in there.

Bridget, I finished the second round of that brain scan at the hospital.  I think I'm done with that booger stuff in my hair.  Thank goodness for that.

Thoughts on Gary's release...

1.  No one told me it would be so darned difficult.  I had no idea it would be an emotional thing, but it is.  It is a lot like watching your last child graduate from high school, or realizing you have no more kids in primary.  A major part of my life is over (that of being the bishop's wife) and will probably not come back, so I'm glad I enjoyed it and didn't wish any part of it away.

2.  One of the reasons I am grateful that Gary was able to be the bishop is because it gave other people a glimpse of what I have always seen in him: a man who is loving and kind and thinks of others all the time. A man who is thoughtful without having to TRY to be thoughtful.  (A lot of the time I have to remind myself to be nice, especially if I am in a bad mood.  Being nice is Gary's nature.)

3.  People are always so sympathetic towards a bishop's wife and that's just plain crazy.  The bishop's wife gets a lot of blessings.  The spirit in our home was warm, the ward members were loving and supportive, and even though Gary was gone often for various meetings and stuff, I always knew that if I needed him he would have dropped what he was doing and he would have been there for me.  (But I was blessed to NOT be in that dire of need.)  And the times when Gary was with me, for date nights or when we were spending time together watching TV or whatever, he just felt more "there" so I never felt like I was shorted in any way. Of course, if I had young children it would have been more difficult, but since mine were old enough to get themselves ready for church, I really reaped the rewards without pain.

4.  I had the pleasure of watching Gary's love for the youth in the ward grow deeper and deeper as the years went by.  Gary has always loved the scouts, of course.  But to be honest I think the thought of being surrounded by YW made him nervous.  (Maybe having three daughters who could wrap him around their little fingers made the idea of a whole room full of girls a little intimidating.)  Over the years he has not only overcome the nervousness, he has become visibly more comfortable dealing with the youth as a group regardless of their gender.  And he will always be known for being the bishop with that cool song game.

5.  Gary is the first bishop in many a year in our ward who has not been bald upon his release.  :)

6.  I have been continually impressed that there has been no act of service, no work in the kingdom of the ward, that Gary has not been willing to do.  Last night Gary said that he wanted to go down to the small 2nd building because there were a lot of dead moths that needed to be cleaned up (the building isn't in use much, especially in the summer because there is no seminary) and he didn't want the new bishop to have to go down and clean it up.  So at 10:00 at night, we were down there vacuuming up all the dead moths.  Well, actually Gary was doing the vacuuming while I played with the buttons on the podium.  But then I went around and picked up the moths he missed and did some general tidying up.  I love that building.

7.  Gary is not perfect, of course.  There is no doubt that he has offended someone here and there.  But there is also no doubt that he would never INTENTIONALLY offend anyone.  He has always done his best to do only what the Lord would have him do.

8.  I have had five plus years to gaze at him on the stand, admiring how handsome he is.  :)  And when I occasionally caught his eye, I mouthed the words "I love you" to him, and he would get a sheepish look on his face and mouth it back to me.

9.  Those times when he has dozed off on the stand?  Well, for the most part it was because he had spent a little too long either working on bishop emails, genealogy, or some other worthwhile project.  I hardly ever saw him fritter away his time, but if he did it was probably star trek related.  (Yes, he is occasionally a bit of a trekkie.)

Gary, my love, thank you.  Thank you for fulfilling your calling with all the joy in your heart, and sharing those great blessings with me.  Eternity will be Heaven with you.

When it rains, it pours...

Okay, so after nearly a year and a half of not having a job, I got a job offer as an executive assistant for a couple  who teach leadership and communication skills along with team building to corporations and other high-profile clients.  They've been doing this work for 18 years and they're very successful.  They've authored several books and run workshops all over the country, internationally, and over the internet as well.  I can't even begin to guess how high their IQ's are, they are both brilliant though the wife seems somewhat smarter than the husband.  Either that or he is hiding it. They run the business from their home, where they live with their daughter.  

When I applied for the job, it was almost an afterthought.  I normally do my applying from jobs listed on Career builder, USA jobs, and the Colorado Workforce websites.  Now and again I won't have enough applications in for the week from those sources (I have to have five contacts per week) so then I will check places like LinkedIn and Monster.  This particular job was posted on Monster, and this was the last day that applications were being accepted.  I hurried and sent in my resume and the very next day I got a  call requesting an interview.

I went to the interview and I thought it went pretty well.  I found out that there were about 300 applicants for the job.  (From what I've seen this go-round, that's typical.)   Anyway, they weren't interviewing many people.  And they actually needed someone in the position several months earlier but they hadn't had time to go through the process of getting the position filled.  They still didn't have the time, but they had gotten to the point of desperation.  I let them know that I had another interview in one week, a second interview with CU, and they assured me that they would let me know before that time if I was successful.

A day before my CU interview, the man called me.  He told me that although his wife liked me, he liked someone else a little more and his judgement prevailed.  I was a little discouraged, but I figured I would just go to my interview with CU the next day and do my best.  I was a little worried about that one because I didn't think that they would offer what I was asking, but I figured the interview would be a good experience and I liked the woman who was the hiring manager there.

The CU interview on Friday was actually three interviews in one: the first with the hiring manager, the second with HER boss, and the third with another person who would also be someone I would support.  All three of the interviews were pleasant and I enjoyed them.  Afterwards I drove over to Gary's office and we went to lunch together so I got a bonus date out of it.

On Monday I was doing some shopping at Office Max and I got a phone call.  It was the husband/wife team from the job that turned me down. They wanted me to start immediately since their first choice hadn't worked out, and they offered me $2 more per hour than I had asked.  I had scheduled a vacation with Gary the weekend coming up so I wouldn't be working the full week (or the full week after that) but they wanted me to work as much as possible up till then.

After my trip, I returned to work (I brought some little souvenirs for the family) and on Thursday, about 10:00, I got a phone call on my cell, which I went outside to take.  It was CU, and guess what?  I was offered the job at the university.  They didn't offer as much per hour as the job with the husband/wife team, but there are a lot of other perks.  First of all, they offered a tad more than my original asking amount.  And they match contributions to a 401K (not sure what the cap is) so if I contribute the max, I'll be back up to what I was getting with the husband/wife team, maybe a bit more.  Second, the university gives 13 point something hours of vacation per month (pro-rated for me, since I will work 3/4 of a full-time schedule, every Monday off, 30 hours per week) which works out to over 4 weeks of vacation per year, a lot more than I would get with the husband/wife team.  I'd also get sick time and holidays.  Also, and this is a biggie:  although currently the university gives tuition credit to the employees only, they are going to extend the benefit to the spouse and children as well.  Because it felt right, I told CU that although I had recently accepted a job, I really wanted to work with them and they said that I could think about it and call them back.

I went back inside and continued working, but it was a very long day.  On my way home from work  I called Gary and talked to him about the situation, and then I called CU and told them that I accepted their offer.  They asked if I could start June 1, or if, due to my having a job at this point, I would need to wait until June 15.  Since I had only worked 5 days at this point I really couldn't see the husband/wife team wanting me to stick around.  In fact, I was fairly certain that once I told them that I had chosen to leave for a different job I would be asked to leave.  Anyway, I told CU that I would let them know as soon as possible when I could start.

The next morning when I arrived at work, I immediately told my employers of my decision.  Surprisingly enough, although they were astounded that I was leaving the job, they understood (especially when I told them about the tuition benefits and the fact that I have several family members who could use that.)  Even more surprising, not only did they NOT ask me to leave immediately, they asked for not just the full two weeks notice, but anything beyond that which I could give them.  (They have a book due on June 6.)  Since CU was willing to wait until June 15 (CU hires only on the first or the 15th of the month) I will work for them until I start for CU or until they don't need me, if it's before that.  The way I figure, it's the professional thing to do and they do pay well, so I'll do my best for them.  And actually, I have to say that they have both been very gracious about my leaving the job (which I felt terrible about, after all.)  I even got a "thank you" email, which I thought was above and beyond what was necessary, thanking me for giving them the extra time to work on their book.

Okay, that's the whole job story, whether you wanted to hear it or not.  :)  I'll let you know how the CU job goes, but I think it will be wonderful.  My new boss's name is Emily and she is a very nice woman.  She knows I will have "grandma duty" when Isaac is born and everything.  Yay!