"Retirement"

Okay, first of all let me say that I am WAY too young to be retired. And it wasn't my choice, either. But other than that, there's a lot to be said for staying home.

First of all, I am re-discovering the joy of having a clean kitchen. And by clean kitchen I mean that we don't run out of clean silverware. And most of the time I don't let more than ONE sink get full of dishes. If both sinks have dishes in them, I am going nuts and I HAVE to get them done. I have NO qualms about running the dishwasher even if it's not all the way full. I simply don't care if I am using a soap biscuit and a little hot water without the dishwasher being completely packed. I want a clean kitchen. One day after I got home from a trip I was in the kitchen with Michael. I mentioned that the kitchen was trashed and I needed to get it cleaned up. He kind of rolled his eyes and threw his arms around me for a big hug. I said, "What was that for?" (Not that I was complaining, mind you.) He said something like, "While you were gone we would have killed to have the kitchen look this GOOD." It's NICE to be that appreciated.

Second, I am enjoying making meals for my family again. Not just dinners, though that's nice. I have compromised and have decided to cook 4 dinners a week. That way we can have leftovers a few times and folks can forage for themselves now and again (cheese and crackers, that sort of thing.) Plus a trip to Taco Bell on occasion never hurt anyone. But it's nice to have a good, home-cooked meal on occasion, and knowing that I made it myself means I'll like the way it tastes. And knowing that Gary will be sniffing the air appreciatively when he walks in the door after a long day makes me happy too. I have also enjoyed making the occasional breakfast for those who are around to eat it. Blueberry pancakes are a favorite and I know I'm bragging, but I make awesome blueberry pancakes.

Third, I have a "to do" list but I am in no hurry to complete it. I have a bunch of stuff on there that I've wanted to get done for years, and since it's taken years to pile up there's no rush to get it done. But there's a lot of satisfaction in getting the stuff crossed off the list. Some of it is tough to do, and some isn't. Some days I cross off one thing, some days I cross off two. Some days I add another item, and some days (most, actually) the list doesn't change at all but just stays on the fridge where I can look at it and decide if I'm going to work on it at all that day.

Fourth, I don't have to panic if I am visiting family out of town and I get sick and can't travel back to work. Last month I was visiting David and Sarah and then Carolyn and Erik and ended up with the flu. I had to stay for a lot longer than I had intended but I didn't have to worry about using up sick time or missing any work deadlines at all. It was so much easier.

Fifth, when it's cold, snowy, and nasty outside, I can look out the window and decide that there's nothing I need to do so badly that I need to venture out there to do.

Sixth, when a friend of mine wants to go to lunch, I can stop what I'm doing and go with her. Or if I want to go and kidnap Gary and go to lunch with him, I can do that too.

Seventh, there is NEVER more than a load of laundry or two to do at any given time. Usually it's a stretch to even do that much at once. It's been years since I've been able to say that.

Eighth, I think I am caught up on sleep. (Will a lighting bolt strike me down for thinking this?)

Ninth, and this is a biggie: I get to see Aidan and Asher SO much more.

Tenth, I get to do things with my family (taking a certain birthday girl to the Grizzly Rose) that I just wouldn't have had the energy to do if I were doing the 2 1/2 jobs I was doing before.

I guess to sum it up, I still don't like what happened to me. I don't like how the circumstances forced me to make the choices I did. I don't know if I will ever get to the point where I will consider some of those people "friends" again. But I am at least at a point where I am content. I still miss the paycheck, it was very tangible proof of my worth and I often need some sort of proof that I am worth something. Maybe at some point in the future I can find a happy medium.